i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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