I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
