Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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