i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
