It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
