if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
