I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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