this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
