Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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