eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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