bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
