I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
