I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize