okay pat passed out under dana's car
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
