I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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