I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
