just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
