I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
