The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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