i think my tv is drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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