I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
