My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize