Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
