yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
