Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
did i just pee glitter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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