so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
