my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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