I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
