Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
