I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
