So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
