Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
