I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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