I hate your face
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
