I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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