Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
