Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's always time for handjobs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
