I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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