It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
