I was born with a shot glass in my hand
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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