absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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