I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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