i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
