What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
