12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
