I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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