i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
