scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
