I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
