yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
