guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
