another moral hangover. fuck.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
