dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
