i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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