Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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