so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize