fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
