The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
