Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
