at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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