She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
