You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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