new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
