Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
