the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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