try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
