They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
