Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
