he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
