Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize