YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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