then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
