Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
