So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
