I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
