I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
