Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
