I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
