His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize