I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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