The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
