You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
