they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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